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Marriage Monday: The Art, Science and Connection of Prayer

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Hi friends….a quick note…..I get a significant number of daily “hits” from people googling “how to seduce your husband/spouse.” But the secret to having a “steamin’ hot marriage” is not just having great sex, it involves having a sustained connection, and a healthy approach to life and love as a couple.  

I am aiming (please give me grace if I get behind) to start a Monday series called “Marriage Monday”.  This Monday series will offer quick, applicable tips on all sorts of marriage topics that have been helpful for us, including “seductive” ideas.  I pray that inspire you to pursue a “honeymoon marriage” and to be launched into all that God intends for you as a couple.  Glad you are here!  Let’s get to it!

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Praying together.  It’s been like spiritual glue for us.  

But with interruptions, busy schedules, and exhausted eyes, finding the time and energy to pray together and live spiritually connected is a challenge.

Over time, we’ve discovered that praying as a couple is an art and a science that leads to connection and intimacy.

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Prayer as Art:

Prayer as a couple is an art, not a formula.  We do not pray through the long lists everyday, but we pray our passions and our loves.  That usually involves the same topics on a regular basis as we focus on stewarding the gifts and passions God has put in our hearts (our kids, our relationships, our church, our callings/jobs).

We talk to God, but we also listen for Him.  Often, He will give us a word or an image that will be an encouragement for each other.  If gardening were our passion, we’d ask God to give us ideas on fertilizer, sunlight, seeds.  If it was woodworking, we’d ask God for ideas on design, resources and tools.  It’s not so much the topic that matters, as it is opening up every area of our lives to God.

As we pray and as we listen, God melds our hearts together and unity is one of the power results.

Prayer as Science:

Praying together as a couple involves a strategic, near “scientific approach” if it’s going to happen.  Life is just too busy for us to stumble into prayer time together, so we plan it. 

We have intentionally built our lives on consistent spiritual practices and rhythms, so around 6:50 each morning, after we’ve each had our individual times with God, we come together and pray.  To be honest, our prayer time doesn’t happen every morning, because we live in a house with three little kids!  But because we consistently aim for it, we find ourselves enjoying prayer together several mornings a week.  And some mornings, kids are involved…the more the merrier when it comes to family and prayer!

Prayer as Connection:

Over the past 8 years, our prayer time has become a treasured, set-apart space where we bring our relationships, passions and callings into alignment with God.

If we are struggling, disconnected, or have had a misunderstanding, it’s a time where our honest prayers reconnect us in a way nothing else can.

As we’ve spent years doing this, it has led us into a place of spiritual unity.  This unity affects every area of our relationship, leading us into more love for God, and more love for each other.    

As I write these words, I’m praying for YOUR marriage as well.  My heart beats with fervent prayer, asking that God’s goodness and power would be at work in all our marriages, healing all that is broken, and taking us all further into His beautiful plans for our lives, and for His glory.

Questions to consider:

  • TOPICS: What are some passions/loves you and your spouse can talk to God about?
  • TIME: What is a consistent time of day you can aim to pray together?
  • BABY STEPS: What if your spouse is not ready for spending time together in prayer?  What is a “baby step” you can take together?  Maybe simply asking if he/she has a prayer request/need, then faithfully praying for that in your own time?

For commenting purposes:

  • What have you found to be true when it comes to prayer as an “art” and “science” in your marriage?
  • What is something you have learned about praying as a couple that would encourage others?

I’m all ears!!  So grateful for you– for this encouraging group of friends!!

The post Marriage Monday: The Art, Science and Connection of Prayer appeared first on Francie Winslow.


Marriage Monday: A Key to Growing A Sensuous Marriage: Humble Love

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Clueless newlyweds.  That was us.  We probably should have failed at the whole marriage gig long ago.  We had known each other less than a year and were very, very young.  Did I mention young?  I was 20.  He was 24.  We had no money and I was a sophomore in college.  Need I say more?

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It was in the heat of a Chicago summer when we pulled into the red brick apartment complex with our U-haul and my sister’s hand-me-down Jeep, still aglow from our water-front wedding in eastern North Carolina a few weeks prior.

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Covering every inch of our tiny apartment were boxes of wedding gifts, and clothes waiting to be unpacked.  But instead of jumping to get unpacked and organized (which is never my first instinct, anyhow), I sat glued to the carpeted floor, with several Bibles and reference books encircling me.  I was on a massive search for God’s thoughts on love.

The boxes could wait.  But I was a wife, now.  And I needed a word from God on how not to mess everything up.

I knew that love had to be at the center, if our marriage was going to be as wonderful as my little girl dreams, but I didn’t know what that looked like as a wife, day in and day out.  What about when I was emotional, or in a bad mood, or if he was too consumed with work?  What did love look like then?

I had heard all the “wife” verses in the Bible, but graciously, the Lord showed me something fresh, something so real, it proved to change my life, and my idea of marriage.  

Amidst the taped up boxes and unpacked bags, God sat with me in Philippians and spoke about how He wanted me to love my new and forever beau.

“Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.  

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”

Philippians 2:1-4

When I read this I heard God’s heart whisper to mine,

“Francie- don’t fight for your rights or your reputation; be humble in your love as a wife and look out for his needs above your own.  Make your marriage about humble love, and doing everything with Wyatt’s best in mind.  Your humble love will free him to love you in the same way.  As you both look to Me, and live with such love, nothing will be impossible for you.  A marriage based on humility and selfless love will bring a oneness of mind and purpose that will launch you into My dreams and plans for you.”

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This call to humble love set the course for our marriage, and eight years later, it is one of our driving motivations.  It inspires us to serve each other in generous and wildly loving ways.  It also makes us both very aware of our need to draw upon Christ’s strength in order to love well.  

As we both aim to practically and consistently love each other well, by acting our way into feeling, and asking each other these questions, we are re-training our selfish hearts and minds to think of each other’s needs before our own.

Humble love is LOVE LIVED in the nitty-gritty of life; the love we were made to give and receive. –> click to tweet

3 Characteristics of “Humble Love”

1. Humble love is radical love.  Humble love in a marriage means that we don’t demand our own rights or own needs be met, but we focus on valuing and meeting each other’s needs.  We choose love when we don’t “feel like it” and we honor each other’s needs, even when it’s inconvenient.  As we’ve both lived committed to this (by God’s great grace), there has been a unity that has blasted us through pain, ushered us into healing and has blown wide the doors of blessing over our life.

2. Humble love requires God, and is a target for His blessing.  This sort of love is NOT done in our own strength.  It requires the power of God.  But the good news is that the Holy Spirit is attracted to the expression of humble love in marriage.  It’s like stick after stick being laid on a campfire, only to have the generous Holy Spirit come and light up that love with His power.  He is so happy when we love with humility.  Humble love is what builds marriages, families and His kingdom.

3. Humble love set us up for the marriage of our dreams.   It’s a beautiful thing when our hearts remain tender to one another and to God; we are able to wholeheartedly agree with one another for our dreams and be each other’s biggest fan.  We contend for each other’s best and pray for God’s fullness in our lives;  we work together with one mind and one purpose.  Humble love lived out is what makes the marriage of our dreams a reality.

Humble love.  It’s biblical and in the context of marriage, it’s even sensuous.  It’s not a “bear the burden, pay the price” kind of thinking.  It’s the doorway to abundance and joy and generous living that frees and satisfies our human hearts.

It’s a small, but mighty key in life, in marriage, and will last in the light of eternity.

The post Marriage Monday: A Key to Growing A Sensuous Marriage: Humble Love appeared first on Francie Winslow.

4 Ways To Have Mind-Blowing Conversations, Even If You’re Busy (Marriage Monday)

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Consistent conversation.  Consistent sex.  Both indicate health in our marriage.  Both bring an incredible amount of connection.  Both take intentional work.

(I’m doing some research on the sex topic, so more on that later.)  For now, I want to touch on the theme of developing deep, mutually inspiring conversations that lead to an even deeper marriage connection.

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Life has been busy lately.  In the midst of writing deadlines, work travel, birthday parties, kindergarten gatherings, school volunteer hours and MOPS meetings, we’ve been running around, non.stop.

It’s ridiculously easy for life to get out of balance during seasons like this.  But unlike the time when life got busy and we got disconnected, we are finding that our connection is remaining stronger than ever.

On a recent coffee date, we asked each other what we’ve done to maintain great conversations, despite our busy season of life?

As we talked, these things came up:

1. Have hobbies outside of each other:

We both enjoy our own passions and hobbies, and we both know what each others passions are.  Having these individual hobbies and pursuing them gives us great content for conversation when we’re together.

  • I love to learn about blogging, theology, writing, the poor and culture.
  • He loves to learn about politics, government, finances, justice issues and current events.

Because I know he loves politics, I’ll ask him what he’s been thinking about lately with regards to a political issue or current event.  Because he knows I love writing, he’ll ask me how my writing projects are going.  This helps us both grow as individuals, while at the same time, adding to the flavor our marriage.

2.  Consistent time together makes consistent space for connection:

Our reserved time to connect every night from 8-9pm is a must.  Whether we talk a lot during this time or not, it doesn’t matter.  It’s about having a consistent touch-point of time everyday that builds a connection so that when we have ideas or thoughts to share, there is space reserved.

3.  Meet non-conversational needs:

We meet one another’s needs in other areas that just conversation…our needs for affection, intimacy, respect, quality time, affirmation, etc.  As we both focus on serving each other with humble love, we both enjoy living with “full love tanks”.  As a result, conversation tends to flow naturally.  These 10 questions have really helped us with meeting each other’s needs.

4. Be a safe place:

We make conversation a safe place.  It’s a place where we try not to interrupt each other, or downplay each other’s thoughts.  When he talks I try to really listen and appreciate his view.  And when I talk, he is careful to listen and hear my heart, rather than cut me off with a quick solution.

What’s more important than the content or the place or the timing of our conversations, is that with every passing year, we grow in our trust, enjoyment and respect for each other.  What a sacred honor, to have someone you love open up in conversation.  We try to treat it like that.

The post 4 Ways To Have Mind-Blowing Conversations, Even If You’re Busy (Marriage Monday) appeared first on Francie Winslow.

(Marriage Monday) Hope- When Prayer Doesn’t Come Easily in Marriage

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I admit.  Before saying “I do”, I had a naive and idealistic idea of what prayer in marriage looked like.  I thought we exchanged rings, then all at once we lived beautifully unified in the Spirit.  I assumed it happened effortlessly, as if we were two happy lovers, running through a field of fragrant wildflowers, boldly forging ahead with the warm sunshine at our backs.  Right…?

Soon after we returned from our honeymoon, and settled down into the grind of real life, my vision of perfected effortless prayer and seamless spiritual unity was revealed for what it is: imaginary.

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With the backdrop of real life, we were literally ships passing in the night.  He was working nights.  I was a student in the day.  When it came to prayer, we were in different camps.  He prayed best when he paced back and forth along the straight wooden floorboards of our kitchen.  I prayed best as I sat still and quietly at my desk.  He prayed with a fierce warrior-like heart.  I prayed like a daughter sitting in her Daddy’s lap.

In the first few months of being married, we would try to pray and all I could think about was how distracted and dizzied I felt by his pacing, and intensity.  He probably felt alone in prayer, hoping I would find more energy and bigger faith to join with his.

These days brought frustration boiling to the surface of my heart at the way we were operating like two planets spinning in different orbits.  This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

It was as if we were pulling heaven in two different directions with our differing personalities and approaches to prayer.  I was tempted to give up on the whole idea of praying together and settle for life in our own spiritual orbits. 

But something deep in my soul believed that unity is not only something we work for, but something we were created to enjoy in marriage.

We held to the belief that God designed us as a married couple to experience and thrive with spiritual oneness.  So, we pressed on and prayed forward, even when it was hard.

Over time, we’ve both softened and have come to see our differences as valuable assets for each of our spiritual growth.  Iron sharpening differences.

Our differences challenge each other, pull out the best in each other, and keep things interesting.  I now adore, crave and ask for his bold prayers of faith.  And He cherishes and honors the way I connect with God in a place of stillness.

We’ve realized that in fact, our gifts and differences are here to bless, strengthen and develop the other.  Our differences become our collective strength as we press forward in prayer.

As we pursue deeper spiritual connection through prayer, we firmly rely on God to invade our imperfect marriage with His unmatched grace.  He’s so faithful.

Is it wild-flowers and warm sunshine every time?  No.  It’s better than that.

It’s authentic communion.

   It’s real life lived before God’s throne.  

       It’s a connection that is likened to a chord of three strands, not easily broken.

Has prayer been a natural thing for you in marriage?  If so, what does that look like?  If not, what is a small step you can take to begin enjoying more of a spiritual connection?  (one idea…if praying outloud is a stretch for your marriage, consider writing a prayer on an index card for each other, or sending texts that offer encouragement and prayer.)

 

The post (Marriage Monday) Hope- When Prayer Doesn’t Come Easily in Marriage appeared first on Francie Winslow.

Hot Tip: INVEST in Sex, and 3 Books to Help (Marriage Monday)

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You reap what you sow.  This is true in most areas of life.

How we invest in our health shows in our energy level.  What we invest in our education (formal or non) shows in our ability to influence, understand and lead.  What we invest in our hobbies is evident in our ability to enjoy them.

Sex is no different.  

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If you treat sex as a chore that must be done in marriage, and never invest in making it awesome, it will feel like a dreaded chore.  If, on the other hand, you invest in sex like you invest in your health, your education, or your hobbies, you will see that it grows, develops and becomes a place of out-of-this-world joy, connection and pleasure.

Buying books and reading them together is one great way to invest in your sex life.

We need a RE-WIRING on the whole sex conversation in our culture.  Because sex is not only about sex.

Sex is about oneness, connection and calling.

It’s about the connection in marriage that leads to unity and the ability to thrive in our life-purpose as a couple. 

Great connection through sex doesn’t happen on accident.  We have to intentionally invest time and energy into learning to love one another well in the privacy of our marriage.

Here are 3 sex books I recommend.

Sheet Music by Kevin Leman

Intended for Pleasure by Ed and Gaye Wheat

Intimacy Ignited: Conversations Couple to Couple (Fire Up Your Sex Life with The Song of Solomon) By Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus

 

 

 

The post Hot Tip: INVEST in Sex, and 3 Books to Help (Marriage Monday) appeared first on Francie Winslow.

Sex on the Brain ~ Having the Mind of Christ (Day 2: Valentine’s Month)

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I am finding that my thoughts about sex determine my experience of sex.

HAPPY VALENTINES MONTH

If I’m honest, all to often thoughts that go through my mind about sex sound like this:

– I’m not in the mood.

– I feel unattractive and unsexy.

– I’m too tired.

– I don’t compare to the covers of magazines. 

– He might not be satisfied with me.

– I’m not good at this, I feel awkward.

But this month, since I am aiming to take my wife game to the next level, I am intentionally choosing to dwell on higher thoughts.

I believe renewing my mind with thoughts like these will re-orient my expectation and experience of intimacy with my husband:

– Sex is a blessing from God, and he designed it to be amazing.

– Pleasure is his idea and it is a gift.

– The effort it takes to be available will always be worth the reward of intimacy with my husband.

– My body is a gift that is holy, pure and beautiful.

– I will be a generous wife with my body.

– I will take every opportunity to build emotional and physical closeness whenever I have the chance.

For me, this month having the mind of Christ will mean having great sex on the brain.

The post Sex on the Brain ~ Having the Mind of Christ (Day 2: Valentine’s Month) appeared first on Francie Winslow.

Choosing Sex, Even When You’re Tired ~ How To Live Like Newlyweds Everyday (Day 7: Valentine’s Month)

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Day

When the days are packed and everyone is exhausted, it is way too easy for me to let sex take a back seat.

But when sex takes a back seat on a regular basis, so does our level of connection and intimacy.

Instead of letting the chaos of the week drive our sex life, I’m choosing another way.  I’m deciding to let my actions of love lead to feelings of love.  Even in the face of exhaustion.

Michelle Duggar said some of the best wedding advice she got was this: ‘In your marriage there will be times you’re going to be very exhausted . . Anyone can fix him lunch, but only one person can meet that physical need of love that he has.”   (read her more of her tips for marriage here).  In response, her husband exclaimed, “we’re like newlyweds everyday!”

That is what I want in my marriage too.

If I wait to initiate sex only for when the mood is right or when I’m super energized, we could seriously wait forever!  And in the meantime, I would risk my marriage becoming dry as a bone.

I’m not willing to risk that.

So, today’s challenge is to err on the side of love, even if I’m tired.  I have a feeling, I won’t regret it.

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(In case you’re just joining me, I’ve decided to find out how to “wow” my man everyday, not just on Valentine’s Day.  I’m discovering the best secrets, tips, and ways that women win the hearts of their long-term loves and posting them here for you to read with me each day this month.  So far, I started with a “sex-reset”, then dove into the “sexiest” Bible verse, how I’m getting my mind in the game, how to I pray for our sex life7 anti-aphrodisiacs, and remembering how to flirt like old times.  Check them out and be inspired with me!  So glad you’re here!)

The post Choosing Sex, Even When You’re Tired ~ How To Live Like Newlyweds Everyday (Day 7: Valentine’s Month) appeared first on Francie Winslow.

Who Has The Best Sex and Why? Where Our Culture Gets it Totally Wrong (Marriage Monday)

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I’ve recently come across the research of Dr. Sue Johnson, an author, clinical psychologist, professor at University of Ottawa, poplar presenter and one of the leading innovators in the field of couple therapy.

The more I read her research, the more I’m intrigued I become.  I am especially encouraged by how her scientific findings from brain research highlight the reality that we were designed for a deep emotional connection with another person, based on trust and long-term committed love.

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In this short video, she points out that often our culture and media most highly esteem performance and sensation in the bedroom.  

But in reality, sex focused primarily on performance is one-dimensional…and not that great.  

Scientific research shows that sex is a powerful bonding behavior that draws a couple into deeper intimacy.  And that the BEST SEX is centered not on “performance” but emotional presence and trust.

Dr. Johnson remarked that “emotional presence and practice make for great sex…but sex without any emotional connection is like dancing without music.”

(My interpretation: if your sex life is suffering, don’t focus on the latest trend from Cosmo, but rather re-evaluate your level of emotional connection and focus on building trust inside and outside of the bedroom.)

Dr. Johnson’s research also flies in the face of the current social trend that says monogamy isn’t natural.  In fact, the research shows people who have the BEST, most THRILLING SEX are people in long-term loving relationships, debunking the nonsense that fidelity and monogamy are impossible.

If you watch much TV or have read some of the latest best-sellers, you’ll notice our culture is full of talk about the boredom of making love with the same person.  Our culture paints a clear picture of the assumed agony of monogamy and the boundlessly erotic adventures of promiscuity.  But this science (and other brain research that she’s done) is proving them to be all wrong, and frankly ridiculous.  One-night stands and extra-marital affairs may be the popular norm in culture, but they just can’t hold a candle to long-term, emotionally connected, monogamous relationships.

Dr. Johnson’s findings boldly overturn our cultural misunderstandings and scientifically prove the power of emotional connection, trust and physical intimacy in marriage to be advantageous in every area of life including our mental and physical health, longevity and the ability to overcome hardships.  I think this is great news worth sharing.  To read more on her research, here’s her page.

What are your thoughts?

The post Who Has The Best Sex and Why? Where Our Culture Gets it Totally Wrong (Marriage Monday) appeared first on Francie Winslow.


Why “Dropping the No” Is Not Enough (Marriage Monday and Book Giveaway)

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Meet Joy McMillan.

Writer. Designer. Speaker.

(and our new friend)

 

Joy’s heart and message fits SO closely with the themes that we talk about here on Marriage Mondays, I just knew I had to introduce her to you guys!  You may remember, I featured her a few weeks ago when we chatted about a little tip to make your dates great.

In addition to sharing some of her transformative thoughts today, I am also super excited to be GIVING AWAY a FREE COPY of her new book, “XES: Why Church Girls Tend to Get It Backwards…and How to Get it Right”, to one of you!  (details at the bottom of this post.)

Without further ado, here is Joy with some monumental insights into our men’s hearts and cultivating a honeymoon marriage.

 

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Ever notice the connection between your husband’s ability to be fully engaged in friendly conversation with you, and the length of time it’s been since you were last intimate?

It’s wild, isn’t it?  I don’t know what took me so long to figure this out…but the connection is clearly there.

Our sexual intimacy and our emotional intimacy are inexplicably connected.

Most men have an overwhelming physical need for sex, we all know this fact well.  But did you know that a man’s sex drive is intricately connected to his ability to feel like a ‘real’ man?

Surprisingly enough, men also have an overwhelming emotional need for sex.

While they may not express it the way we often wish they would – that level of heart-naked communication does not always come naturally to men – our hubbies struggle with deep feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. Making love makes them feel desired, it raises their confidence and self-esteem, and it boosts their overall well-being and performance in almost every area.

Do we fully grasp, as wives, that when we said ‘I do’, we were committing to be our husband’s sole source of sexual satisfaction for the extent of our lives together? 

Sure, other unhealthy counterfeits threaten to creep in from time to time, but the responsibility lies fully in our capable hands.   Because sex has the power to unlock our man’s emotions, and because we hold the key, it’s inconsiderate – and frankly unChristlike – to withhold sex from them.

Strong words, I know.  But if we refuse to do our part, there will always be another eager to fill our shoes.

Our men no longer need to go looking for opportunities to sin sexually – it literally knocks at their door several times a day.  We have the incredible ability to help guard their hearts and minds in the fight.

What a tremendous responsibility this is, sweet friends, but when we look at the heart of this gift…what an honor.  It’s a challenge we were created to conquer, if only we’re willing to enter into it with the right heart and perspective.

We need to fight for our husbands!

I chuckle when I think back to how I thought I was ‘all that and a bar of soap’ as a wife when we first got married.  I had made a commitment to not turn my husband down sexually, and I can count on 1 hand the times I have in almost 11 years.  Now before you raise an eye-brow, utter hateful murmurings and blow me off, you need to know the rest of the story.  It’s not as glamorous as it sounds.

Turns out this wasn’t really enough.

Limp noodle just wasn’t the most appetizing thing on the menu.  Go figure.  After a heart-wrenching conversation, I finally got it.  He didn’t just want a willing and compliant body…he longed for an involved, engaged partner in passion.

A survey done for ‘For Women Only’, a fabulous book by Shaunti Feldhahn (which inspired one of the chapters in my book) revealed that even if men were getting all the sex they wanted, three out of four men would still feel empty if their wife wasn’t both engaged and satisfied.

This blew me away.  Her discovery was both encouraging and convicting.  Sweet friend, there is so much more to this intimacy thing than we tend to realize…after all, it’s designed by our exquisitely complex and mysterious Creator.

Our husbands don’t just want to be satisfied sexually…they need to feel desired, needed and wanted.

So as we push in and press on, we need to understand that creating a vibrant sexual connection in our marriages requires not only willingness and selflessness, but intentionality and creativity on our part.

I am still working on initiating intimacy more and tangibly expressing my love for him in a language he is ridiculously fluent in.  And what an incredible change I see in our friendship when I’m making strides in this area!

So, step away from the computer for a moment {or twenty} and go jump your husband.   You’ll both be glad you did.

*cue Barry White*

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GIVEAWAY!

Book

***The WINNER is Michelle!!  Thank you all for sharing!!***

To be entered in the giveaway, please share this post on Facebook, then tell me that you did in the comments section below!

Not required for the giveaway, but I’d REALLY LOVE to hear your thoughts on what you found to be interesting or thought-provoking from this great post.  Can’t wait to send a copy to one of you!!  You’re SUCH blessings to me- can’t wait to bless you!

 

Visit Joy’s site, Simply Bloom, where you can find free printables, invite her to speak to your group, find insightful blog posts or even browse her graphic design business!

The post Why “Dropping the No” Is Not Enough (Marriage Monday and Book Giveaway) appeared first on Francie Winslow.

A Different Approach To Marriage Monday – Going for More

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I’ve realized something lately.

In my desire to proclaim hope in the context of marriage (casting vision for a “honeymoon marriage” that gets better with time instead of falling for the lie that after the honeymoon things will get worse) I may have come off like I was trying to be an “expert”.

And I’m totally not.

I am not a relationship counselor or a sex therapist or a professional marriage anything.  I’m just a 29-year-old mom of 4 who has been married 9 years…who messes up and gets selfish and fumbles the ball, but also who seeks God for wisdom and is inviting Him to be King and Lord in it all.

Friends, I still have lots to learn.  Lots.  No problem admitting that.

But I do know one thing.

With a limitless God, there is always more to be had in our marriages.

More wholeness, more blessing, more peace, more unity, more connection, more intimacy, more fun, more laughter, more wisdom, more LIFE in Him.

And that’s what I want.  His “more” in my life and in my marriage.

I’m just a young wife who, in the midst of a culture that doesn’t give marriage much hope, believes that there is hope for a “honeymoon marriage” for all of us.

I can have this honeymoon hope because I have Jesus hope – the belief that Jesus heals, grows and matures us as we give Him the space to love and lead us through life.

I also happen to believe that nothing impossible for God.

 

things

 

Recognizing that I don’t know what it’s like to walk in your shoes as a wife, with your hurts, your background, your personality, your current situation…I simply want to to be a friend.  I want to extend my hand and right here, right now in this space on Mondays, walk together WITH you into the “more” He has for us, and into “honeymoon hope”.

I want to walk with you, not dictate to you.  

I want to dream with you about what might happen if we pursued this “more” together.  

What if?

So instead of marriage “tips” that may communicate I’m some sort of expert, I’m going to start writing marriage “what-ifs”.

Marriage Monday “what ifs” will be simple ideas that may help us, may inspire us, may equip us to be fully alive as wives and doing our part in loving our guys well while building a honeymoon marriage.

No pretense.  No pressure.

No guarantees.  No expertise.

Just “what ifs” that I pray will inspire you, support you, and encourage you as you go for the “more” God has for you as a wife in your particular season of marriage.

Are you up for that?

In the future look for marriage “what-ifs” that will inspire and equip us to dream a little bigger for the future of our marriages, and to start with small steps now.

 

Until next week- and with much love and prayers for you and your marriage,

Francie

*I invite you to subscribe to get these “what if” posts right in your inbox every Monday, and to share them on Facebook, so that hope for honeymoon marriages might just spread far and wide!*  

The post A Different Approach To Marriage Monday – Going for More appeared first on Francie Winslow.

Having Fun With Your Marriage: A Video Chat With Wyatt and Francie

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The experts say that moving is one of life’s top stressors.  And they’re right.  We had incredible help from family, but still, our marriage felt the impact of our move.  As we transitioned into a new space with new dynamics for our whole family, we tried hard to re-establish a sense of connection and normalcy for our marriage.

But it was just that.  Hard.

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So instead of letting an intense season of life get more intense with time and pressure, we snagged an hour of a babysitter’s time and went out to play.

Sometimes our marriage reaching its full potential in the midst of life’s stressors doesn’t mean trying harder or working longer.  It means having more fun.  It means taking off our serious task hats, and putting on our playmate hats.  It means enjoying each other.  Simply because we were designed to walk together through life with abundant joy.  And such joy is usually found in delighting in the simple things of life.

Here’s my hubby and I with an impromptu chat about our latest “fun” date.

The post Having Fun With Your Marriage: A Video Chat With Wyatt and Francie appeared first on Francie Winslow.

What Motivates Me in My Marriage: A Bigger Picture to Draw Us Into the Fullness of God

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I wanted to share a part of my heart with you today  – a very big part of my heart.  A part that forms me and motivates me in the deepest places for my daily life as a wife.

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Here we go.

In the beginning, God created male and female. (Genesis 1:26-27)  And He placed His image on us (don’t be calloused by the overly familiar words -the implications for HIS IMAGE IMPRINTED ON OUR BODIES IS HUGE).  When we look at the Theology of the Body, we see that the Creator of the Universe marked us – on our very bodies – with a message about His very nature.

He did this on purpose.

Because He wanted to communicate His invisible love to us in a way that is plainly visible.  He wanted to put on display His invitation for us know His eternal love, and He did it through the picture of marriage.  (Genesis 2:24-25Ephesians 5:22-33)  Through the physical and spiritual joining of a man and a woman to become one in the context of a spousal covenant love.  Through a man and a woman coming together in sacrificial love and intimacy, He made visible the invisible – the foreshadowing of an even greater love- an eternal covenant love with God Himself.

Simply put, on our bodies and in the picture of marriage, we SEE the heavenly invitation to become one with God FOREVER. 

Could anything be more holy?  More thrilling?  More amazing than a God who wants to reveal His love to us, and do it through the gift of marriage?

This idea of God revealing Himself through marriage is massive.  And explains why marriage is so holy, so valuable.  Such a battlefield.  It inspires me to invest all the more in making my marriage one where God is invited to continually grow us, heal us, and mold us into His good likeness (Romans 8:29; 2 Corinthians 3:18).  Not just for our good, but for the good of the world around us.

Watch this video for a glimpse into what stirs me and brings the greatest motivation for marriage…to consider why it matters that we grow together in love…and for a fresh perspective that I pray multiplies grace and peace in your lives, as you pursue the fullness that God intends for you to experience in your marriage and life.

(And please excuse the chorus of 8 children playing in the background- precious friends from Florida were stranded at our house as we rode out the Snowzilla of 2016 together.)

 

The post What Motivates Me in My Marriage: A Bigger Picture to Draw Us Into the Fullness of God appeared first on Francie Winslow.

A Wife’s Secret to Happiness (book club) – Creating a Safe Haven in Your Marriage

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When we brought home our second baby, our firstborn was only 16 months old. That meant that our lives had been officially turned upside down. If one baby doesn’t do it, two babies in less than two years most certainly will.

We realized with my husband’s demanding job, my pursuit a Master’s degree, and having two kids in less than two years, that most of our interaction had dwindled into that of roommates.  We were really good at high-fiving at the door, passing babies off to each other, and eating dinner in a hurry in order to squeeze everything in.
But we felt our connection slipping.

With a tiny baby girl in our arms, and dark circles under our eyes, we sat on the back porch of our little house and had a conversation that changed everything. We acknowledged to each other that we had to fight for our connection, or it would be forfeited. Emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy, trust, connection, mutual enjoyment, healthy communication – none of that just happens on its own.

To get those gems of marriage, we committed to dig a little deeper, to go past default mode and to intentionally make our marriage a safe place. A place where we would grow up and grow together instead of growing apart.

The only way we knew to do this was to prioritize time together.  So that night, we decided that every night from 8 to 9pm we would “date” each other.

Enter: “Date-night, Every-night”

Nothing formal and nothing that would require planning or a sitter or money.  We would simply put our phones away, put laundry, chores or work away, and just BE TOGETHER; on purpose. To enjoy each other. To be present to each other.  To talk, to laugh, to rest, to watch a movie, to read books, to sit on the porch, to enjoy a glass of wine, to listen to a sermon, to take an online class, to play a game. It didn’t matter what we did. We just needed to do it together. (Here are 10 simple ways to enjoy quality time in your marriage)

 

In Jen Weaver’s book, “A Wife’s Secret to Happiness”, she talks about the gift of creating a safe haven within your marriage. One of the greatest distractions from this goal for us has been busyness and exhaustion. But because we put a stake in the ground eight years ago, we can see clearly when life’s demands are pulling us apart, even before we drift too far.  We know how each other needs to be loved, or pursued, or listened to, because of the time we have spent investing intentionally each night in our marriage.

As a result, we have experienced first hand this gift of a “safe haven” in our marriage.

Not because things have not been hard, or we haven’t royally messed up at times, but because we have had a consistent space to work through those hard things. A space to enjoy the seasons of sweetness, a space to cry together during times of loss, a space to process hard things at work, a space to laugh at the beautiful chaos of life…a space to simply love and be loved.

Our “8-9 time” is unquestionably the best thing we’ve done and continue to do for our marriage.  

We look forward to it, knowing that with the very colorful, beautiful, crazy chaos of five kids, homeschool and an increasingly demanding job, we have a haven to run into at the end of each day.

Growing a safe-haven within your marriage is a gift to yourself, your family, and to the community at large because of the God-designed goodness and power of a strong marriage that lays the foundation for a strong family unit.

In her book, Jenn talks about several other ideas that allow to your marriage to grow into a safe place. Those include knowing the power of words, forgiveness, adjusting our expectations, and communicating desires in an honoring way.

Growing a safe-haven within your marriage is a gift to yourself, your family, and to the community at large because of the God-designed goodness and power of a strong family unit.

But it is not easy.  It requires both parties to invest.  It means getting vulnerable and as Jenn says, “bringing our dirt into the light”.  It means being ok when things are uncomfortable.  Because in those harder seasons, we grow in deeper ways.

We just have to be willing to show up.  To lean in.  To say yes again, and again, and again.  And to trust that God is indeed growing us together as we grow up in Him.

I encourage you to check out the blog tour  and join in the conversation on Jenn’s book and the pursuit of more for our marriages!

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Questions for you:

What is the biggest challenge for “connection”and enjoying a “safe haven” in your marriage?
What are things that build up the core of your marriage?
What would be something (forgiveness, communicating desires in an honoring way, time to just be together) that you may like to weave deeper into the fabric of your marriage?
What could regular connection time look like in your season of marriage?

 

 

The post A Wife’s Secret to Happiness (book club) – Creating a Safe Haven in Your Marriage appeared first on Francie Winslow.

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